Chapter 10- Distance

It has been a month since the big exam ended. For both Amrita and Shivanesh, the end of the exams also marks the end of their relationship with their exes.

Amrita was set of what she was going to do in the future. She wanted to prove to Suresh and his friends who disrespects her like him that her life is better off without their presence.

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Amrita was walking to her English class that she enrolled in after finishing her exams. She wanted to prepare for her Malaysian University English Test. Since she finished her exams, she made herself busy by enrolling into many classes. She had put her dance class on hold due to her exams. So, she continued that as well. She tries to keep herself busy by attending classes that focus on building skills.

She decided to take a bus to class as she has not got her driving license. While she was waiting for her bus, she saw Suresh on a bike with his friends near the bus station. He walked to Amrita right after he saw her with one motive, to irritate her.

“Hi, sweetheart. What are you doing here?” Suresh said.

Amrita ignored what Suresh said. She did not even want to see him.

“So, this is what you want to do? Ignore me. Look at me, woman,” Suresh said and grabbed Amrita’s hand hard and pulled her towards him. “There is no way for you to escape. You know you can be happy only with me and only if I let you to be,” Suresh said.

“Don’t even think about it. You were nice but now, you are just like a piece of trash,” Amrita said trying to free her hand from Suresh’s grab. He held her hand really hard and it was hurting Amrita a lot.

“Well, prove it. Be happy with another guy. Maybe then I might leave you alone. Besides, I am your first guy. I will see if anyone can be better than me,” Suresh said.

“I don’t need a guy to be happy. Moreover, a guy like you. You are nothing to me. Dating you was a big mistake,” Amrita said. The bus she was waiting for arrived but she could not abroad it because Suresh was still holding her hand. Amrita used her file and hit Suresh’s hands hard. Suresh let go of her hand because of the hit which really hurt him. Amrita ran fast and abroad the bus.

As Amrita got into the bus, she wanted to text Shivanesh and tell him about how Suresh behaved towards her. But she didn’t. She felt like Shivanesh has done a lot for her without having time to deal with his own heart ache. It has been a while since Amrita texted Shivanesh or even contacted him. The most recent communication they both had was when he sent her a friend request on Facebook. That was like 2 weeks ago.

Amrita never had time to speak to Shivanesh. She even ignored his phone calls and text messages. She does not know why, but she was afraid of her feelings. She does not know why happened to her. Since that day they last met, she knows that Shivanesh does not think of her as a friend. And she realized that she was responding to his feelings. That day made her feel afraid of the kind of emotions that can develop when she was with Shivanesh.

#

3 weeks ago.

Amrita was waiting at a playground near her house. She wanted to meet Shivanesh and thank his for his time when she needed him. From far, she saw Shivanesh running to her.

“Hey, Sorry. Am I late? Did you wait too long?” Shivanesh asked while taking breaths to recover from his run.

“Relax. One at a time. I like sitting here. Come, sit next to me,” Amrita said tapping on the space next to her.

Shivanesh took a seat next to Amrita “So, Whats up?” 

“Shiva. I wanted to thank you. You are really an awesome guy. The other day when I was admitted in the hospital, you came and visited me. Now when I am so hard broken, you are here supporting me. Why are you doing all this?” Amrita asked.

Shivanesh slowly held Amrita’s hand and looked her in her eyes, “Amrita, I am sorry I think I might have a soft feeling for you,” Shivanesh said and waited for Amrita to respond. He realized that she did not remove her hand from his hand. Slowly, Shivanesh kissed Amrita on her forehead. Amrita just kept quiet.

She did not know how to respond. She has never felt the tingling feeling she felt inside of her when Shivanesh kissed her before. She knows she is not supposed to give him any hope. She is worried that she might hurt him. But the feeling she has right now, even when she was with Suresh she never felt like that.

Slowly, she took her hands away from Shivanesh’s. “Shiva. No. Not now. I don’t think I can handle another one. Not so recent. I am so sorry,” Amrita said. She woke up to walk back home but left a kiss on Shivanesh’s cheek and said “I am really sorry,” before walking back home.  

#

She knows she hurt Shivanesh badly that day. Now, Shivanesh doesn’t even call or text. Amrita does miss Shivanesh a lot but she was afraid of texting him.

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Shivanesh was hanging around with his friend. It was really late at night but he was out with his friends as they were going out to drink. Shivanesh has become an alcoholic since the end of the exams. Since the night he last met and spoke to Amrita, he has not been in proper state of mind. He tried calling Amrita to apologize to her. He do not mind to just being friends with her. As long as she speaks to him. He cannot go on without talking to her. But not once she answered his calls and text. He has a feeling that she has deleted him out of her life. He really regrets making a move on her knowing the fact that she was hurt and was definitely not ready. He regretted rushing too much. Her apologetic look was what hurt him the most. He knows how much he has made her uncomfortable.

One night, he met some guys at the park near his house when he was just walking around. Those guys called him over and asked him to join them.

“Hey, boy. Come here, da. Join us,”

Shivanesh decided to join them because he was not curious or afraid of who the guys were. Shivanesh was lonely and heartbroken that he was not afraid of what was going to happen to him. He wanted to find a way to let go of the pain he was going through and he would do anything to make it go away.

“Boy. What is your name? Why do you look so sad?” one of the guy asked.

“I am Shivanesh. Call me Shiva. Wanna know why I am sad? Why? Wanna make me feel better?” Shivanesh said.

“Well. There is this drink that would make you feel much better,” that guy said and gave Shivanesh a can of beer.

Shivanesh gulped it and felt a sense of burn on his throat. He felt his eyes tearing up from the burn of the alcohol. Even with the pain of the alcohol, he kept on gulping the drink and he felt his head becoming light after a few cans and eventually started feeling like he was in a dream.

After a while, Shivanesh started crying.

“Come on, boy. Man up. You should not be crying. Talk to us. Tell us  what happened. What made you so heart broken?” a guy said.

“I was in love with a girl but then, she cheated me and took advantage of me. Another girl was there as a friend and eventually I started falling for her, but now she is slipping away,” Shivanesh said while sobbing. “I feel so lonely and hurt. Do not feel like continuing my life in anyways. I wish I can die right now,” he continued.

“Why don’t you join us? We always have ways of making pain go away,” a guy in the group said.

That is how Shivanesh started going out drinking at night. He was still hurt about Vinodini cheating on him. To add to that, Amrita is ignoring him now. He felt like he has no one for him anymore.

Shivanesh was too busy going out with his gang that nowadays he does not bother to text or call Amrita as he knows that she would just continue to ignore him. He often goes out early in the morning and come home late at night. He recently started smoking because of the influence of his gang. He and his gangmates were on the bad page of many people. They eventually became a nuisance in their housing neighbourhood.

One night, Shivanesh was riding his bike while he was drunk. He was riding his bike recklessly without being bothered about what was going to happen. He kept on changing lanes without being bothered of the trouble he was causing to the other road users  

He felt like he does not have any purpose of life anymore. He was trying to challenge death. He wanted to see how long he will continue missing and being safe. Just when he thought he is too safe doing so, suddenly a car came in front of him. Shivanesh was riding his bike too fast that he barely had any time to stop. He crashed into the car and was thrown to the other side of the road due to the impact. He banged his head hard on the road divider and loss consciousness. The driver of the car brought him to the hospital as soon as possible

#

Shivanesh was rushed to the hospital and was admitted into the emergency room. His wounds were quickly cleaned up before further scans were done to diagnose his injuries. The hospital quickly informed Shivanesh’s mother about his condition and was asked to rush to the hospital for consent of surgeries needed to be done.

From the scans it was found that Shivanesh has a brain concussion, he was also diagnosed with a few broken left hand and right leg.

#

Shivanesh regained his conscious. He slowly opened his eyes and closed back quickly because of the light. He blinked a few times to get used to the light. His head hurts badly once he opened his eyes. He used his left hand to hold his head due to the ache. But then he realized his hand had bandage on and they hurt.

“Owh, great. You are finally awake,” his mother said.

“You don’t sound so happy seeing me awake. How long was I unconscious? What happened?” Shivanesh asked.

“Tired of waiting for you to wake up. You met in a serious accident. Fractured your hand, your ribs and leg. Unconscious for 2 weeks,” his mother said without any emotions.

“Amma, what is wrong? Why do you sound so off?” Shivanesh asked again.

“What do you want me to do? Jump around because my son is awake? What were you thinking riding your bike like that?” his mother raised her voice.

“Owh, ma. Please don’t get started. I just woke up,” Shivanesh said.

“Really? I thought I was going to lose you. Your sister hasn’t been eating well. She was worried sick about you. Do you take us all a joke? We are your family. You are our only hope,” his mother said.

“Sorry, Amma. I am really disturbed. There so many things happening to me,” Shivanesh said.

“Can’t you share it with us? Doctor said that you could have regained conscious in 3 days but you purposely do not want to wake up. Don’t you think we deserve to know?” his mother said with tears flowing down her cheeks.

“No, Amma. I don’t wanna talk about it,” Shivanesh said.

“You don’t want to talk about it yet you go out doing all kind of stupid things around. I heard a lot from many people about the things you have been doing. I will not tolerate my son doing such things behind m back. I know things are hard for you right now even though I do not know what it really is. But please also think about your family at times,” his mother told him.

“I understand that I screwed up big this time. I am sorry. I will sop it immediately,” Shivanesh said.

#

Amrita had a bad feeling that something might have happened to Shivanesh. She called his handphone but there was no answer. She tried texting him but she got a text back saying that the number was not able to be connected. Amrita was really feeling bad. She was having an instinct that something must have happened to Shivanesh. She was praying that he was okay and kept on calling him.  

#

Shivanesh finally is discharged from the hospital. His injuries were recovering well. He is only left with a broken leg and hand and a bandage around his chest for his broken ribs.  

He decided to get a part time job to fill his time in a more useful manner. He went applying jobs at many places, but many places turned him down because of his injuries. Finally, he reached a bookstore and asked for a job. The owner was looking for someone to work, so had to take Shivanesh in.

After confirming the job, Shivanesh went home to tell his mom the good news.

“Amma. I got a job. At MPH cashier job,” Shivanesh said.

“Great. At last you have something to do instead of going out and doing all those stupid things all the time,” his mother said.

“I will try to not go out often okay?” Shivanesh said hugging his mom.

“Are you forgetting that you are one-legged boy,” his mother said.

“Seriously, ma. You need something stronger to make me stop going out,” Shivanesh laughed and said.

“Do what you want to but please come home. Don’t end up in hospital like the last time. It really saddened and hurt me seeing you unconscious for 2 weeks,” his mother said.

Shivanesh hugged is mother and said, “Sorry, Amma. But the good thing is, I made you lose weight,” Shivanesh said jokingly.

“Naughty fellow,” his mother said laughing. She hit Shivanesh’s arm lightly.

“Amma, you should not hit a patient,” Shivanesh said.

“Fine, I will hit you once you are fully cured. I will keep count,” his mother said and they both laughed.

#

Shivanesh has been working at the bookstore for a while. He has already removed his cast of his broken leg and arm. He is finally able to move around freely.

Even though he is busy, he still feels lonely and sad always. His heart was still hurt by Vinodini and he was confused of his feelings towards Amrita. He thought he will cure from his hurt if Amrita was there to support him but she has totally disappeared from his life. He lost his phone during the accident and have not contacted Amrita with his new phone yet because he felt that Amrita would not answer the call if she knew who I was from.

He could not afford the liquor that he had with his gangmates, so he started buying the cheap liquor after work to calm his nerves when he thinks about these two girls. One who cheated on him and one who has constantly ignored him. He hides the liquor from his mom. He drinks in his room before going to sleep. Sometimes, he has thoughts of committing suicide. But when he sees his family, he could not bring himself to do it. He knows that his mother and Sumithra depend on him a lot and he has promised his mother that he will definitely think of his family before doing anything stupid.

Shivanesh was very afraid of what his future would be.